Well hello again. I write this sitting upon the most significant revelation I think I have ever had in my life. This epiphany was so mind-boggling to me, in fact, my palms started to sweat. My knees suddenly started to feel weak and my arms were considerably heavy. Mom’s spaghetti. Esteemed reader, when you read this next sentence please do not freak out or go sicko mode, I beg of you: people just don’t like hot dogs that much.
Let it sink in. Take a seat if you need to. When I went around the halls of HPHS and asked people their opinions on hot dogs, the most enthusiastic response I got was, “I mean they’re alright, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat them.” Don’t believe me? Check out this hot dog-colored chart. Only 11% of people can definitively say they are hot dog stans. As you would assume, I started to freak the freak out. As a highly respected writer for The Fling, it is my duty to provide the most riveting, hard-hitting hot takes. If everyone agrees that hot dogs are mediocre at best, where do I go from here? For many nights I sobbed into my pillow pondering myself out of my predicament, and then it came to me. Instead of asking about hot dogs, why don’t I ask about hot dogs?
Taking to the halls of HPHS with newfangled vigor, I asked my fellow students what they believed the prettiest dog breed to be. Unsurprisingly, the most common answer I got was the golden retriever. The truth is, it’s very hard to find an ugly golden retriever, but I say how about we broaden our dog beauty standards? Why must we hold golden retrievers in such high regard in this society, when there are so many other precious pooches? One student commented that they thought shiba inus are where it’s at. Their friend quickly disagreed with a, “Well shiba inus have great personalities, but they’re kind of ugly.” This was absolutely devastating to the other people at the table, as a collective “WHAT?!” was prompted. Another student commented that shih tzus, the Ewoks of the dog world, are the prettiest dog breed. I personally believe that shih tzus are ugly but in a cute way, much like myself. In the end, I came away from this experience with the newfound knowledge that no one has any apprehension about answering what the prettiest dog breed is, which makes me believe that the furry population of our school may be higher than what we once thought.