Well hello again. Did you miss me? It’s fine, I didn’t really miss you either. What. Ever. Over the summer I ruminated on how I could elevate the quality of my articles this year. Have people stopped me in the halls to tell me how historic and rib-tickling my articles are? Yes, they have. Would most people say I single-handedly saved The Fling from decimation? Why yes, they would. While I humbly accept this praise, I know I can do better. So, starting now, no stinky butt jokes, no monkey business, and none of my usual malarkey. It’s only real hard truths about Highland Park High School starting now.
Coming in hot and spicy with our first hot take of the year, “If you scream in the hallway, I hate you. There’s no reason for that.” This speaks volumes. Get it? ‘Cause it’s about being loud…? Look, it’s been a year. Give me time to get back into my groove. Anyway, there are appropriate places to be rowdy, like a fight club or a Steve Aoki concert, but the school hallway is not one of them. If you’re the type of person to tongue-smooch, tussle, or just stand in a large group in the hallways, I want you to take a long look at yourself and consider where you see your future heading. Let’s leave room for Jesus, shall we?
On another critical note, one sassy student who said, “The freshmen are wack this year.” I thought this was supposed to be an article about unpopular opinions. HA! All jokes aside, I need all the upperclassmen to realize that we all also used to be incredible buttheads when we were younger. We need to give them time to grow, just like the seniors did for us when we were freshies. Maybe they’ll even teach us something about ourselves in the process. Or maybe they won’t! I can’t predict the future. If I could, I would have studied more for my last bio test.
Now, I know I was joking about being profound and cutting the baloney, but let’s get serious for a moment. Think you can handle it? Okay, if you say so. The next student whom I interviewed brought up a very significant point about the racial dynamics within our school. They stated, “Even though it’s obviously not enforced at an administrative level, there is a clear divide between who hangs out with who, and which kids are taking harder level classes.” Even with the diversity of our school, Highland Park still remains moderately segregated, and it’s pretty apparent. As students or even faculty, it may feel like we can’t do anything about this, but that’s not true! Try and reach out to others you may not usually find yourself gravitating towards, and you may just be pleasantly surprised. Of course, there is no simple fix to this problem, but we can always work towards supporting others from different communities. After all, I have united all of you in collectively reading this due to my abundant wit and comical disposition. Together, maybe, just maybe, we can create a safer, more productive environment for our friends and peers.